Striving For The Sexy Marriage

A magazine cover caught my eye recently at the check-out stand at the market. It was a women's magazine and on the cover was actress Kyra Sedgwick and it had a sub-heading about her and her hubby Kevin Bacon keep their marriage sexy after 20 years.

As I often do in the check-out lines when it comes to the magazines, I had to laugh. A sexy marriage. Now Judy and I have been married over 20 years and I was thinking, "Do we have a sexy marriage like Kevin and Kyra?" "What is a sexy marriage?" In this day and age have you noticed everything is sexy from hair to pillows to cars to shoes?

I didn't buy the magazine at that point even though I was curious to hear Kyra's story as to how someone in Hollywood could be married more than two years yet alone 20. I ended up finding the article online and even though I don't know them to be Christians, just being married 20 years and not quitting did give her some insight.

Some things she said were a bit weird like "I'm constantly amazed that we are still surprised and interested in each other." Let me touch that one. While I can be amazed at how God still surprises me with new things about Judy, the last thing I would say is I'm surprised I'm still interested in her. Let's face it, if we didn't change and hopefully for the better, wouldn't it be a bit boring knowing this is what I can expect till death do us part?

As believers, we should forever be changing into His image and thus life should never be boring. I don't want to be the same man and husband for Judy this time next year and I don't expect her to be the same wife as well. We have been riding an August roller-coaster in our marriage that I am committed to turning into growth. If we don't grow from disputes then all that is left is hurt feelings and resentment.

One of the wise things she said about keeping the relationship strong was, "We got help when we needed to be alone. We check in with each other all the time. I think that's ultimately the best for the kids, because they feel safe when they know Mum and Dad are good, enjoying each other's company and wanting to be alone together."

It's so easy to get caught up in the routine of being parents. Homework, lunches, bus-driving, the works. It all starts up again in 10 days. Let me say "Woo Hoo." Now in June it will be a different story. But Judy and I have been big advocates for going on dates and spending time alone. We know we will be of no use to Taylor and Shelby if we're not good, if we're at odds or being of one voice.

Our "date nights" have changed over the years from going out to dinner for a nice meal to a trip down to Starbucks or lately sitting out back or front with no interruptions enjoying a glass of wine and good conversation. Like Kyra said in the quote above, the kids feel "safer" when the parents are "good." Isn't that a place we all want to be?

I encourage you all to find your "date night" with your spouse. Find what can work for you and try not to talk about the kids while you are on your date. I love when our conversation can be about meaningful things or Godly things. I call it talking in the "Spirit." We have taken on the task of doing a book study together about Jesus. We read a chapter at a time and then discuss it. It's help bring a freshness and newness factor to our conversations.

Have a great weekend everyone. Enjoy the final days of your summer. God is good and He is sending us to Carlsbad for four days starting on Sunday. I will catch up with you all next Friday and if you are interested and have made it this far I have tried to make posting a comment easier by taking out some of the restrictions. You don't have to set up a google account. Sorry it took so long to make the change. I'm still learning this whole blog thing. See you next week.